Cold Plunges

Diving into the Pleistocene

I've gotten into the habit of swimming in the Bay before work. It's that last refuge from the modern world. I strip down to my boxers, then take a series of harrowing steps into the frigid dark water and plunge myself straight into the Pleistocene. I emerge and brush the water from my eyes. I see the cold wind ruffle the water around me. I hear the bellow of the sea lions in the distance and the chatter of gulls above. The cold nourishes me. I notice a few members of the hunting party have already begun to gather at the bank. I notice one, wearing the necklace of shells and magpie feathers, urging me to come to shore. But I think I will swim just a little longer. I don't care about his stupid magpie feathers.

Another Day at the Office  

I’m recalling a family trip to Walnut Canyon where I would learn about the indigenous people who once occupied the region in the 12th and 13th centuries. One of the extraordinary aspects of the Sinagua people was that they had to climb a sheer cliff face in order to get to their homes high above. It wasn’t a task limited to the brave and courageous - as it surely would be today; It was something that was done by both young and old, the cowardly and courageous alike. It was a mundane daily routine.

Years, later I would learn of similar stories of strength: The Fuegian people of Tierra Del Fuego who, even as temperatures fell below freezing, wore little clothing apart from a small piece of seal skin slung over the shoulder. I would also learn of the Costal Salish people of the Pacific Northwest who regularly swam in the fridged water to hunt marine mammals, collect shellfish and harvest seaweed. For them, a cold ocean was just another day at the office.

Still today, I think about these examples of courage and strength and wrestle with their implications: We are an organism of extraordinary latent strength and vast untapped potential who would avoid all but the most gently sloped hill.

Aug 22, 2021 Five days a week I go to the river and eat blackberries, swim laps, inadvertently drink river water, do push ups on the riverbank, and read my big important music book. My mind, body, spirit, and gastro-intestinal bacteria are headed from good to great to ridiculous. I hope to become a fully functional ecosystem to millions of microorganisms by the end of the year In short, I’ve rendered myself totally undatable

Woodshop Teacher

There was a group of youths doing a cold plunge at the beach today. They were celebrating the moment more than I ever have. There was an abundance of selfies and ample noise. I have never felt the need to take a selfie or yell into the air. I aspire to be the shop teacher who wears striped gym socks and thick rimmed glasses, who eschews any form of sweetener to his coffee, who works out in a cold frost bitten shed, slowly lifting rusted weights with consistent precision and enduring equanimity.

 May 30, 2023 The ocean doesn't care about your future plans.

No date It’s taking me longer and longer to get into the river and swim my laps. The nights are growing colder and in turn the water in the river. I find my self hesitating more and more. Sometimes I fear my hesitation portends cessation and the awful specter of punking out completely. But not today. Not today. Yes! let it be told to all that will listen “today Phil got in the water” and tell them “he didn’t succumb to all those excuses of all those pathetic sniveling people who would gleefully declare the water too cold. He did it anyway” Go now! Let this message be heard.

Sept 5, 2021 I saw a river otter for the first time today. I wasn't able to get a picture of it though. I also saw a kingfisher do one of their telltale dives into the water the other day. Also of note I'm experimenting with some new swim techniques. I've managed to train my cock to propel me through the water like a speed boat. When I get moving, I look just like a sperm with a beard and long hair 

April 6, 2025 Cold Water Plunge Hack: rather than getting out of the water when I'm uncomfortable, I've begun forcing myself to stay in until some arbitrary event happens e.g., the people walking, their dog pass a certain section of the sidewalk. With this, I'm not getting out when I want to. My wants are irrelevant and subordinate to the needs. The universe unfolds itself on its own terms. It would be wise to learn to accommodate it as best as one could.

No Date Ever the amateur scientist, I've deduced that the salmon aren't running as much as they were 2-3 weeks ago. I'm basing this on the smell of my boxers, which, for a period of time, had the faint aroma of fish on them when I hung them up to dry. But they're back to smelling like plain ol' river water. I'm sure I'll have more updates on my boxers for you to not care about...soon.

 Feb 13, 2021 You won't always get optimal jogging conditions in SF. We're a land besieged by a relentless nordic wind. But I've come to adopt the attitude of a prisoner in a P.O.W. camp: Whatever they're serving for dinner I"m gonna eat it. And I'm going to like it. Fuck yeah! Just another badass American action hero teaching Nature who's boss

No Date The game has changed. All the rain we've been getting has added a bit of swiftness to the current...along with silt and all manner of debris. I swam today but I kept worrying that I was going to whack my hand against a log. I'm going to have to figure out a way to do this safely. The cool thing is that the current is almost the same speed as I swim at so I can swim while staying in the same place.

Oct 7, 2021 It's getting down into the 30s at night. I really don't want to do laps in the river right now. I wish I had a choice in the matter but if I concede defeat to that frigid m'fucker today, tomorrow I might win the slob of the year award, which is a very ignominious award.

Dec 1, 2021 When I'm president we'll dispense with all the niceties and romanticisms of our day. We'll turn our current furniture into kindling so that we may luxuriate, instead, in austere living rooms barren of cushions and carpeting. We'll watch our one television station, The Industrial Safety Videos Channel, with eager glee. Why? Because it's the only one we get! And, so we'll like it just fine. Our classrooms will consist of a few stray tumbling mats on the floor for impromptu sparring. Otherwise the students will be required to sit on the concrete floor. Why? Because it's better than sitting on nails! Reading material will consist of instruction manuals. I will allow for some inspirational puppy/kitten posters on the wall. But nothing more.

Who's coming with me?

June 19, 2021 The revolution has already begun: the smoker that I pass by everyday was wearing a jogging/cycling outfit while they smoked. (Baby steps count)

update....they've regressed. I haven't seen them wearing the exercise gear since..

May 15, 2024 This unassuming stretch of coastline looks friendly, but it's benevolent appearance belies its true identity as the site of great pain and hardship. This is the very water that I plunge myself into on a daily basis for the purpose of triggering my cold shock response: gasping and hyperventilation, increased heart rate, high blood pressure, vasoconstriction and the reduction of circulation, numbness and loss of dexterity in my extremities. This is usually accompanied by a stinging sensation. It is also important that my brain is screaming at my body to vacate the frigid water. I prefer a worthy sparing partner for my burgeoning will power to train against.

I fear I may've backed myself into a corner. If I stop throwing myself into the bay in the morning, it will be a step backwards. But I can't abide by a step backwards. So it is, I must throw myself into the bay in the morning

On my way to work I walk past people swimming laps in the bay. The water is very cold but it doesn't bother the swimmers. I'm guessing most of them actually enjoy the intensity of the experience. They give me hope. In a city of voluptuaries who would avoid every discomfort at any cost, there are still a few people that are unfazed by swimming through sea lion shit at 8AM in the morning. I wish I could join them... But I have to work. However I am making progress on my own feat of endurance. I've taken to eating only one meal a day at around 4:30PM (about 5 days a week). I got my inspiration from former General Stanley McChrystal who also only eats one meal per day. I've concluded that humans don't need as much food as we think they do.

I've been exploring psychological tricks that might make jumping into freezing water a little more tolerable. There's a number of variations but they all involve an internal dialog. I've tried belittling myself. "You're too weak Phil. You've always been too weak," which kind of works. I've tried spinning a heroic narrative, "we need to do this Phil...everybody needs us to do this..." (at which point I jump in and swim as if I'm doing """"""""battle with some large and aqueous hyperborean beast). But, by far, the best way to make jumping into a cold river tolerable is to tell yourself "don't worry about it. It's just rainwater."

Well, swimming season is officially over. In the last month or so two people have been murdered in the area where I swim I can handle cold water and a fast current but dodging murderers is a little too extreme for me. I'm out